hey guys well lets start off with what happened today ^^ I went to Terinas house and met Calvin, he calls me ghost lol cause I'm so silent and like when I move and he turns and sees me he gets a fright XD well we went to the beach and I was lending Terina's sister's shorts to swim in but they were mega short, and didn't cover the cuts on my legs. damn blunt scissors >.< anyhow well we had a few smokes I gave mine to Calvin cause I couldn't finish them well then lter that day we went down to have a braai and well Calvin bought three beers n I kept like drinking from his drink n stuff then oh joy my dad rocked up n ruined everything! he was SMASHED OUT OF HIS MIND! He still had to drive my bro and eabyn home like that so I called my mom n told her to come pick us up. I needed to get out of there, I am pissed off with my dad! How idiotic can a person be? does he like doing this to my mom?! wtf is his problem? God it just doesn't stop!!!! I give up! I give up on trying to understand why the fuck that man does it! I wish we weren't related. I don't wanna end up like that! I don't wanna hurt people like that!!!! But I know its starting and I know I'm showing signs of it. god I need to go to bed night people

so I'm losing weight O.o not good >.< I weigh like 45 kgs since I last checked >.< so I don't actually wanna lose any weight but haven't been eating normally lol like dunno why just don't feel like it most of the time. anyway um my mom is telling me to have more respect for my dad cause she thinks he's changed..... HAHAHAHAHAHA! AS IF! He is still that childish person he has always been.
"Maybe I can find a family who will actually appreciate me."
Yeah dad go ahead and find a wife then start screwing her friends while she's appreciating you. I know I'm mean but after our fight he is NOT my favorite person. My respect for him has completely disappeared and to be honest I don't care if after the divorce I never see him again. Why have kids if you're going to hate what you do for them?! WHY?! look I didn't ask to be shy I was born that way, if he still can't accept that fact then I'm sorry but I will be blunt
SCREW HIM!
if he wants to guilt trip me about every thing and make me feel like shit all the time then fine but he must not expect me to come running at his every beck and fucking call. I am not a robot that you can reset I am not someone who has no feelings
I
AM
A
PERSON!
and right now I'm a girl who has NO father.
I refuse to call him that, I'm sorry I just- if he meant what he said to me so many times then my mom would be happy and wouldn't feel worthless. The divorce wouldn't even be thought of and I, well I'd be different. (:

so hey well just an update, my dad hates me 8D that is all ^^

Laid to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A "V" of black swans
On with hope to the grave
And though Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

Wicked with your charm
I'm circled like prey
Back in the forest
Were whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt...
(keeping Sodom at at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their message away
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

hey guys I was bored so I decided to share with you my fave songs lol ^^ so enjoys (beware most of em are screamo)

so here goes ^^

1) Nymphetamine by Cradle of filth
[link]

2) Trapped by Dead by April
[link]

3) Promise me by Dead by April
[link]

4) The sound of truth by As I lay dying
[link]

5) Eyeless by Slipknot
[link]

6) Before I forget by Slipknot
[link]

7) Stand in the rain by Superchick
[link]

there you go my fave songs ^^